Ayn Rand

Someone suggested I read Ayn Rand to tide over my present grief.

There are a few things though which would upset that person:

• I downloaded an illegal copy. He (ok...its a he) is a fervent believer in protecting intellectual property
• I dislike Ayn Rand. To me she was permanently scarred from her childhood experiences in USSR and that affect her entire world-view. I dislike the choices she made in her personal life. I dislike the fact that her philosophy does not leave room for kindness and gentleness in dealings with other people. Its all me and mine.

I am going to go read "The Fountainhead" anyway. It is strangely comforting.

I get comfort in how Howard Roark approaches each episode in life with intellect and with emotions in control.

I tried to do the same and (sort of) succeeded.

Time for breakfast at 1:00 pm

I am still here!

A few things have changed. And that has led to some soul-searching on my part.

Let me write it down in bullet points like I do at work

• Why do blog-posts need to be small literary affairs? I update stuff on Facebook quite often but that's because I feel lazy to type out an essay every now and then on my blog. Why does it need to be an essay?
• Why do some people give me unconditional love? Why do people offer support and sympathy when I have done nothing on my part specifically for them? Is just a smile and a cheery 'hello' every morning enough? Is just a willingness to listen to them with a smile and the urge to not be in their way while they are trying to do something enough? Why do we expect so little from some and (at the oposite end) so much from others?
• Why does hearing about someone else's tragedy make you feel that you can cope?
• And why can't we men be internally strong individualistic creatures? Why do we run to safety and stability? Weren't we supposed to be the wild ones?